Friday, March 19, 2010

Test Anxiety...

When I was in school, every test I ever took I was anxious about. The tests I have taken since school for my career...anxious isn't strong enough a word. Series 7 - first thing I ever took for my career. First, everyone tells you how hard it is. Then, I was failing all of the practice tests that I took - right up until the last one. Plus, I was terrified that I was going to be fired if I failed (that doesn't happen, but still!). I couldn't imagine telling my boss that I failed. ARGH. CTFA - wasn't as worried, but still a little. CFP - the one that was three years of qualifications before the big exam that took two days to take. Worried that I would forget everything from the first two years. But, here's the thing...I could study for those. And even though I was worried, I KNEW that I was in complete control of my own fate.

My mom has another set of follow-up tests this coming week. There is no studying for these tests. And she's not in control at all of what happens. The beast that is cancer is in complete control. Is it still responding to the chemo? Have her brain mets come back? Are the tumors smaller? If not smaller (the hope), then at least the same size? No way of knowing. No way of preparing.

You all know I'm a control freak. Hard for me to deal with something that I have no control over. The only thing we can do is hope and pray for the best. Prepare yourself mentally for the possibility of bad news.

And lean on the people who love here's what I'm asking. Say a little prayer for Mom sometime this week. Send your best wishes for her out into the world. Imagine lasers from that Asteroids game exploding all of her cancer cells. Or a little Pac Man inside of her eating them all up. That's what I'm going to do.

And, I will try to remember these inspirational isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. It gets a little easier to do that every day.

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