Diets, Chemo and Bermuda

I went shopping with my mom on Saturday...I was looking for some clothes for this work thing I have to go to mid-May. So, we go to the mall - first stop, Coldwater Creek. I find some appropriate things, Mom finds some stuff that I'm not crazy about but promise to try on. Now, I am a little worried because I've noticed that most of my clothes have become uncomfortably tight. So, I take my "normal" size and a size above into the dressing room. And NOTHING fits. NOTHING! A few tops, but no pants, skirts or dresses fit. I should have just stopped there. Because seriously, if nothing fits in Coldwater Creek - where the sizes are generous - I'm a LOT heavier than I think I am. And, I am not buying stuff three sizes bigger than what I think is my "real" size. (Because, I really liked a pair of pants that I tried on so I went two sizes bigger. Still too tight.)

But, do we stop? NO! Stupidly, we go in to Banana Republic. I tried on a pair of pants that I loved, I asked my mom to go and get me that pair that was three sizes larger. I would have bought them too - if they fit. Now, I'm almost in tears and my mom is trying to be a good cheerleader, but she can't cheer the uncheerable. Now, I'm ready to go home. But, I figure we'll try Macy's. I find a few tops and a decent dress. And buy a pair of pants that are a little small...stupid. I know.

So, now my mom and I are talking diets. And, I'm hating - absolutely hating - everything she's saying to me. And, she convinces me to join a gym. The next day, she forces me on the scale. (Only my mom and my Dr. can get me on a scale.) And, while I don't think I'm fat, I am definitely overweight. I need to lose 20 pounds. My mom seems to think I can lose 10 in 3 weeks (for my work thing).

So, here it is. Just about 41 and I am now on my first diet ever. Three days into it - and crap, I have no idea how I'm going to last. I'm hungry all the time. I live for my english muffin that I have every morning for breakfast. I don't think I ever really knew how much I love carbs until now when I have practically none.

I think every woman I know has been on a diet at least once in their life. So, I get that I've been lucky for most of my life. Doesn't make me hate this diet any less. Because, three days into it - I'm sick of salad and I miss croutons. And cheese. How I love and miss cheese.

My mom has struggled with her weight for most of her adult life. She and her friend used to joke that it took cancer to get them thin. Mom's upset that she's gained most of the weight back that she lost last year before she knew she had cancer (we tell her it's a GOOD thing).

Mom just finished her third round of chemo...except now there's a complication. She has developed an allergy to cisplatin. Last week, about halfway through the cisplatin, she started getting all blotchy and her tongue started swelling. She was red from her forehead to her knees. Tongue started swelling up. They stopped the IV and eventually reversed the effects with some high doses of a steroid. Doc doesn't want to stop the cisplatin because he is convinced that is what is working so well on the cancer. So, this week, he makes her take a bunch of steroids in the 12 hours before the chemo, in addition to extra steroids that they give her when she goes for chemo. And, she's able to take most of the cisplatin this week. They did have to stop it towards the end because she started to have another allergic reaction, but they got most of it in. And, so it goes - the docs trying to balance trying not to kill you with the "cure."

Next week is an off week and also the week she goes for her CT and MRI. Again, I ask you - think good strong thoughts about Pac Man, Asteroids, and anything else that kills rogue cancer cells. Send all your prayers or good thoughts out there for my mom.

Last thing, Dad surprised Mom with a trip to Bermuda to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. They're staying at the same hotel they spent their honeymoon at. Sweet, right? Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. The fact that you love (and like) each other more today than you did 45 years ago is an inspiration to us all.